Running Great 1:1s

Weekly 1:1s are the single best opportunity you have to build trust, provide coaching, and understand what’s really going on in your team. Done well, they’ll have a huge impact on your team’s performance and well-being. The good news? Running them isn’t hard. But running them well—that takes intention, consistency, and practice.

When and Where

Cadence matters. Consistency matters. Book your 1:1s at the same time and place every week—and treat them as immovable. Reschedule only if absolutely necessary. This predictability creates psychological safety. It signals that you’re reliable and that your people are worth your time.

Always prioritize privacy. These conversations aren’t meant for the break room or hallway. Not even a bustling coffee shop. The best 1:1s happen behind closed doors, where your direct report can speak freely, without distraction or performance. This is about depth, not ambiance.

The Most Important Hour of the Week

So, why are 1:1s such a big deal?

  1. They’re undivided attention.
    This is your direct report’s uninterrupted hour with you. No Slack pings, no phones, no emails—just you, fully present. That space creates room for honesty, feedback, and even venting.

  2. They’re where trust is built.
    Good managers are approachable. Great ones are trusted. These meetings are how you get there. When your team knows they can count on you—really count on you—they’ll be more open, more motivated, and more engaged.

  3. They’re how you lead.
    1:1s are where you influence direction—not by dictating, but by nudging. A bit of coaching here, a question there. Done weekly, that’s momentum. Skip them, and you risk misalignment, disengagement, or worse—performance issues that spiral too far before you catch them.

Prepare to Show Up

We’ve talked before about keeping a shared doc for each direct report. Throughout the week, jot down discussion points—updates, questions, ideas. Some people bring their own notes too (paper’s fine), but I always have the shared doc ready as the backbone of the conversation.

I usually show up with 2–5 talking points: a quick check-in on their main project(s), any org-level updates they should know about, and sometimes a nudge toward a bigger coaching conversation. But…

It’s Their Meeting, Not Yours

Here’s the mindset shift: the 1:1 is your best opportunity to influence, but it’s not your stage.

Let your direct report own the conversation. Ask questions, guide the flow, but don’t dominate it. Listen more than you talk. Aim for them to speak 70% of the time.

And when you’re tempted to jump in with a fix—don’t. Ask another question. Help them find the answer themselves. That’s real coaching.

The Admin Bits (aka “Updates”)

Sure, you’ll talk about progress on projects—but don’t let that be the whole thing. Use updates as a launchpad:

  • “How could we get that done faster?”
  • “Are we sure that’s the best approach?”
  • “Seen any OSS tools that could help us there?”

You don’t need the answers—these are prompts to explore, challenge, and grow.

That said, 1:1s are not status meetings. Capture enough context to stay informed, then move on. The real gold is in the career conversations, blockers, and coaching moments.

The Power of Silence

Here’s a trick: get through the status bits, then ease off. Let the conversation drift a little. If there’s a pause, don’t fill it. Sit in the silence.

This is when the good stuff surfaces.

“…and that’s the issue, I guess. I don’t really know why that team isn’t helping us more.”

Those moments? That’s what 1:1s are for. Give them space to think—and speak freely.

Talk About Their Goals—Often

Your job is to care about your direct report’s growth. That means keeping their goals visible—every week.

Are they making progress? What did they do this week to move closer? What’s in the way? Whether it’s learning a new framework or becoming a stronger presenter, ask them how it’s going—and how you can help.

This isn’t just development—it’s trust in action.

Take Notes. Assign Actions.

Throughout the conversation, jot things down. Use the shared doc. Capture insights, decisions, and especially action items—then review them together before wrapping up.

I prefer simple bullet points, bolding the actions. These notes become a running history of your conversations. When review time rolls around, or if a challenge surfaces down the line, you’ve got a record. You can revisit past conversations, track growth, and show your team that you’re invested.

In Summary

If 1:1s are new to you, this might feel like a lot. But stick with it. Over time, you’ll build a rhythm—and more importantly, a strong, resilient team.

You’ll hear about challenges before they explode. You’ll spot opportunities before they’re missed. You’ll build relationships that lead to trust, growth, and retention.

The act of showing up—consistently, thoughtfully, and with purpose—is a leadership move in itself.

If you don’t have a 1:1 culture yet, ask yourself: Why not?

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