When People Leave
Have you got a minute?
We’ve all been there.
For once, you’re having a solid day. Progress is steady, meetings are light, and your task list is actually moving. Then Alice walks up to your desk—one of your best people. She makes eye contact and raises her eyebrows.
”Have you got a minute?"
"Sure,” you reply, heading into the nearest empty meeting room.
Something feels off. The air is heavier.
“I… just wanted to let you know that I’ve been offered a role elsewhere. It seems like a great opportunity, so I’d like to tell you that I’m handing in my notice and I’ll be leaving.”
And just like that, your day takes a turn.
This happens
It always stings. Especially as a manager—because your output is so deeply tied to your team. Losing someone great feels personal, operationally painful, and raises uncomfortable questions:
How will the project ship without Alice? Will Andy and Ben follow her? Why did she really leave?
And the bigger one: Could I have done something to prevent it?
The truth is: people are always going to leave. Especially in tech. According to 2017 data, the average tenure at top tech companies is 1–2 years. That’s a far cry from the 18-year careers our parents knew.
Your job isn’t to prevent everyone from leaving. That’s a losing game.
Your job is to make sure that if and when they do leave, they’re leaving for good reasons—and with your full support.
Good Reasons for Leaving
There are lots of great, valid reasons for someone to move on. Your job is to recognize them as such—and handle the transition with professionalism and grace.
1. New opportunities
Sometimes, there’s simply nowhere else to go in your org. They want to step into a lead role, and that spot doesn’t exist right now. Or maybe they’ve always dreamed of joining an early-stage startup. Or reuniting with friends on a new project. That’s not failure—it’s evolution.
2. Family and location
Their partner got a job across the country. They’re relocating to care for aging parents. They want their kids to attend a specific school. These decisions go beyond work. Don’t try to fix them—just be supportive.
3. Life-changing compensation
If someone’s offered a package that changes the financial trajectory of their life or their family’s, your response should be: congratulations. That’s a win, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
What to do
When someone leaves for the right reasons, facilitate it. Align on a handover plan, agree on a final working date, help with references, and thank them for their contribution. Leave the door open. People often come back.
Bad Reasons for Leaving
These are harder to stomach—because they often indicate something preventable. Andy Grove called these “zingers”: resignations that completely catch you off guard.
Usually, the root issue is the same: lack of open communication.
Here are a few classic scenarios:
1. Compensation resentment
They were disappointed with their raise—or lack of one—but didn’t feel safe telling you. A recruiter reached out, and the offer was too good to ignore.
2. Team conflict
They’ve been quietly struggling to work with someone on the team. You never knew. Now, after six months of frustration, they’re gone.
3. Unclear progression
You thought they were happy in their role. Turns out they’ve been hungry for leadership—but didn’t think they could grow into that here.
4. Boredom
They’ve been stuck maintaining a legacy API and itching to try their hand at real-time data pipelines. But they assumed there was no room to move sideways.
What’s really happening?
These aren’t performance issues. They’re communication failures—usually from both sides. The solution is ongoing, open, honest dialogue. If you care enough to listen early, you’ll rarely be blindsided later.
Should You Try to Negotiate?
It depends.
If this person is leaving for good reasons, and you’ve got a strong relationship, it might be worth exploring what could change to help them stay—team moves, new challenges, flexibility, compensation. But be thoughtful. Sometimes the train has already left the station.
If this is a bad leaver, and you’re hearing their issues for the first time, tread carefully. Trust has likely eroded. Even if you manage to get them to stay, that dynamic is hard to rebuild—and you might be back here again in six months.
And You’re Still Here
When someone leaves, it can feel personal. It can feel lonely. But take a step back.
If they left for good reasons: it wasn’t about you.
If they left for bad reasons: take the lesson, improve, and move on.
You’re still here. You still have a team. And every exit is a chance to make the next experience even better—for them, and for you.
Your job isn’t to keep people forever.
Your job is to help them grow—even if that means growing beyond your team.
If you do that, you’ll earn their respect. And who knows? You might just work together again someday.